Zoom in on the kids if you want to be horrified.
The kids actually read the bible.
They look like they just opened the arc of the covenant
And it scrambled their fingers
Biblically accurate hands of children.
Baby Ruths!
if you are going to hate watch any film.
pirate it.
Do you have a torrent? It’s not on TPB and I really want to watch it now, it must be the worst movie ever.
im not surprised nobody is seeding it. lmao.
i cant find it anywhere, yet.
thought this was satire, because the movie cover looks like 100% slop
The kids appear to be melting a bit.
wait…it’s not!!!
Good news, it’s slop regardless
It’s so much worse than I thought. It’s not just some esoteric B-movie knockoff. It’s also cross-promotional marketing for a real, special-interest venue: https://museumofthebible.cdn.prismic.io/museumofthebible/aCTKYSdWJ-7kSHiu_2025_General_Brochure_Digital.pdf
This is the quid pro quo part where the movie makers contracted with the museum for filming in exchange for the movie giving them credit and possibly marketing the museum.
“Special-interest venue” is a very polite way of saying “propaganda scam.”
Chtistofascist temple works too
No lawsuit from the owners of the real NatM folks?
Maybe it falls into the same category as “Not Night at the Museum: an XXX porn parody.”
I’ll bet there is less sex in this one.
Just not on screen. Christian debauchery is constant, just ignored.
Just children
They really made a ninety minute shitpost huh?
They made a whole damn industry.
I recommend the podcast God Awful Movies, where two jugglers and a magician get unreasonably familiar with christian cinema. Mostly. Like obviously they did all four God’s Not Dead movies, and way too many rapture movies, but also Battlefield Earth, Plandemic, What The Bleep Do We Know, and - I swear I am not making this up - an orthodox Jewish Spy Kids knockoff.
High-tier episodes are Loving The Bad Man, a movie where Steven Baldwin is a convicted rapist and somehow not the antagonist, Passage to Zarahemla, an alternate universe where Mormonism makes any damn sense, and Believe, which is Ebeneezer Scrooge apologism.
so instead of Teddy Roosevelt, they have a Donald Trump. and instead of a miniature cowboy it’s a miniature Charlie Kirk who is fuckin pissed about being “so god damn small”.
Trump keeps shitting his pants through the whole movie and blames it on literally anyone nearby. his words of wisdom are just from fortune cookies he picked out of the trash in the break room.
oh yeah, and the big baddie (pharaoh) is Jeffrey Epstein.
What a star studded cast they were able to get
I keep forgetting Kevin Sorbo went crazy… 😭
They sprung for the Y-list actors.
This is real?! I can’t wait to get high AF and pirate this dumpster fire
I had to know more about whatever came together to make this happen and it seems Larra Donaldson is the money, so her role is because she paid for all of this. Well, her husband’s furniture business (that he inherited). It’s a gold digger taking her husband’s nepobaby wealth to make garbage movies in the hope of jump starting her career.
She is such a terrible Christian for using the skills and money of everyone around her to promote herself. Absolute garbage behavior from a trashy person.
Wait, what? This is REAL? I honestly thought it was satire or a meme. Gawd, Conservative entertainment sucks so bad.
Edit: I gotta see this, but I’m pirating it, these losers aren’t getting a penny out of me.
> Kevin Sorbo
> Dean Cain
> skillsI think OP was referring to the people who built the company that she’s milking to support her acting career.
Hate watching is watching, even pirating.
If you pirate it, the studio gets no money and the actors get no residuals
But they’ll know you’ve seen it. They don’t care if they don’t make money, they want to spread propaganda.
And further it’s also taken as an indication of interest that might be worth further investment.
Okay, apparently someone found that old peanut that fell behind the fridge, and decided to make a movie with it in the main role. And in the background, is it not Dean “ICE licker” Cain? Didn’t he play a lawn gnome somewhere?
I want patent-troll lawyers to rebrand and sue all the god-botherers who assume Disney wouldn’t sue a church.
I don’t care who wins.
Cain and Sorbo. Man theyre really scrapping the bottom to get by
They didn’t even have David AR White money.
They could have set at the Holy Land in Orlando, except that nobody every went there, so it closed, and the Holy Land got torn down.
Did it? I went to school in Orlando and I always thought how odd it was to have a Christian based theme park.
Oh, yeah, it’s gone. I used to have a job in which I had to speak with visiting tourists, and I probably had 3000 meetings, and out of all of them, only once did I have a family say they were going to the Holy Land.
