Gonna be hard to simply have a nice time when you get blindsided with a change of plans after you were probably very much looking forward to the date you thought was agreed to.
Then don’t have a nice time. Go home. Say what you want or leave it. There is no reason to be mean.
Ok so you’re not gonna get laid boohoo, go watch the movie or eat the dinner or whatever it is you planned on doing anyway? Just relax and have the fun you were planning on anyway
A date is not just two people hanging out. It’s two people meeting to see if they have mutual compatibility. It’s too people meeting to see if they have romantic chemistry.
People need companionship. And people have a right to seek out romantic partners. When you agree to go on a date, you are implicitly saying, “I realize I am under no obligation to sleep or form a relationship with this person. But I agree to at least give them a chance as a romantic partner.”
If you go into a date, or at least a meeting that you describe as date, and you’re not actually willing to give the other person a chance? You’re violating their romantic consent. You’re violating their right to consent to participate in romantic situations.
I know right, how could you possibly enjoy a date that isn’t going exactly as you meticulously planned out?? Out of the question, they violated social rule #67 section 4.20 we’re in the clear to just be an ass for the rest of the night…
Do you not think that bringing a third person to a romantic dinner date is a little rude/awkward/disappointing?
Girl just wants a fun night out, guy is questioning if he wildly misread her signals, and if he is being tricked into paying for some women who just led him on for a free dinner.
There is of course the safety perspective, which makes a lot of sense, but if you bring your friend to a date to feel more safe they should at least not join the immediate table and conversation.
I don’t care what is considered rude/awkward/disappointing by strangers which presumably a tinder date is. I mean what even is the harm to the guy here? Just ask what’s going on and tell her why this has you on edge if it does?
And none of that is an excuse to be rude to someone, to hit on her friend to get back at her, that’s just incredibly petty. And way more rude than just having with dinner or whatever with two people instead of one.
“yeah she did this thing that wasn’t what I expected so now I’m gonna go out of my way to be rude to her” that’s not a proportionate response. Are you unsure whether you misread signals? Just ask. Do they maybe wanna get you to pay for both, just ask?!
Why is the guys POV the focus here and not the girls who are being bullied??
That shows a bit of lack of empathy. One should be considerate towards strangers as well.
While I agree with you and the tinder date could just go with the flow and enjoy this as not a date but a fun evening, surely you can understand how the person would feel if they expected a date but got something else?
I mean yes, there could have been a misunderstanding which ‘Oh I thought this was a date?’ would clear up. But if their agreement was a date, that is usually between two people and bringing with a third party is not something you do.
I’m not defending the petty response to this btw. It is very unnecessary and they could just go home, but this doesn’t remove possible disappointment.
surely you can understand how the person would feel if they expected a date but got something else?
I can tell you exactly what I would do if I went on a date with a girl and she brought a friend. I would introduce myself to both and be happy I got to meet two people to potentially befriend and not just one. Because that’s what first dates are often for, you befriend someone and see if you want to spend more time together.
But if their agreement was a date, that is usually between two people and bringing with a third party is not something you do.
I don’t care what people are “supposed” to do. I’m almost allergic to people telling me “that’s not what you do”. I’m me, she is she and if that guy wants to date her he should date her and not some abstract societal expectation.
I’m not defending the petty response to this btw. It is very unnecessary and they could just go home, but this doesn’t remove possible disappointment.
Ok so you had a bad first date, call big whoop magazine and see if it gets published…
I don’t care what you would do. Good for you however you would handle it etc etc.
Because that’s what first dates are often for, you befriend someone and see if you want to spend more time together.
Yes, and a date is different from just meeting someone who could be a friend, you’re meeting someone with the intention of developing a romantic relationship.
I don’t care what people are “supposed” to do. I’m almost allergic to people telling me “that’s not what you do”.
Maybe a language barrier? Let me rephrase it for you: Bringing with a third party is not something people in general do since it’s not part of societal etiquette of dating. And, as we all know, we live in a society and can’t center the reality on ourselves.
I’m me, she is she and if that guy wants to date her he should date her and not some abstract societal expectation.
I don’t understand what you mean. But the person obviously showed up for a date, expecting the one they intended to meet but meeting two people instead. How can you not understand how the person in question might feel about this?
Ok so you had a bad first date, call big whoop magazine and see if it gets published…
Also yeah I’m mentally ill and therefore my opinions do not matter and I should shut up, nice ableism. Guess who told me not play by societies rules so much btw? My therapist 🤣🤣🤣
Lmao also any doubt I had whether my profile was being read femme went out the window with this comment 🤣
Oh I wonder, maybe the constant infantilization/victimization of literally any and everyone that isn’t a white male? Or have you just been living under a rock?
Your therapist sounds like they’re giving you bad advice, or you’re misinterpreting it.
The harm is that it’s incredibly rude and disrespectful to bring a third party along unannounced. Why would you show someone any respect if they have already shown they have none for you? The woman has wasted the guy’s time by torpedoing the date before it even started. I would say you are entitled to try and waste someone’s time if they are trying to waste yours
That’s not harm 🙄 harm is something that hurts someone, what’s hurt?? I would also challenge that it’s incredibly rude or disrespectful. Like how so? What respect is lacking??
The woman has wasted the guy’s time by torpedoing the date before it even started.
That’s the offense??? That the guy’s idea of the ideal first date wasn’t shared by the other party?? What about how she wanted to spend that date? Does that not matter?? And that is what’s supposed to warrant passive aggressive bullying??? Oh no she “wasted” his time what about her time? That’s not as important or?
It’s about basic respect and empathy. For the record, I’m a woman married to a cis het guy.
That’s the offense??? That the guy’s idea of the ideal first date wasn’t shared by the other party?? What about how she wanted to spend that date? Does that not matter?? And that is what’s supposed to warrant passive aggressive bullying??? Oh no she “wasted” his time what about her time? That’s not as important or?
You’re confusing general freedom with a very specific social situation that comes with certain social obligations. You can do whatever you want. It’s a free country. No one has to go on a date with anyone. No one has to sleep with anyone. You can have whatever type of date you want.
What you cannot do is pull a bait-and-switch on someone. If you agree to a date with someone, there are certain social obligations that come with that. Things like showing up on time, showing up presentable, showing up sober, and being prepared to offer your full attention to your date. It’s like agreeing to come to a wedding and then showing up in a speedo. Sure, it’s a free country, but there are certain obligations that come with certain social situations. And you’re rude or an asshole if you violate these social agreements.
This isn’t something required by law. It is required by the laws of politeness. You’re asking another human being to take time out of their busy life. They’re going to have to find the time and get ready for the date. You’re not obligated to sleep with a date, of course not. But you are at least obligated to give it a shot and see if you hit it off with this other person. You owe them an honest try at it. If it turns out you hate his guts or he does something rude, and you leave after five minutes? That’s fine. You gave him a shot and he turned out to be a creep.
A date has a specific definition. Two adults are in the pre/potential relationship phase. And a date is where you first meet to see if there is chemistry between you to. It requires both people to give their full attention to it. If you’re not willing to do that, or you would like some other type of date, that’s fine. If you’re not willing to give the other person a fair shot, then you should cancel the date entirely.
This is a basic problem of consent. Not sexual consent, but romantic consent. Obviously violating romantic consent is no where as serious as violating sexual consent, but it’s still a violation of consent. Someone agrees to a date under certain conditions, and you try and completely change things at the last minute. It’s the romantic equivalent of stealthing.
(Note: please do not act like a toddler and pretend I claimed that this was as bad as rape. Those are not my words, do not make a bad-faith attempt at putting words in my mouth. Violation of sexual consent is obviously much greater a violation than this. But violation of romantic consent is still a terrible thing to do to someone.)
You’re a lost cause. The woman broke trust and respect immediately. Presumably they agreed to a date and, assuming you are capable of understanding social situations at all, a date on an app like Tinder is heavily implied to have a romantic purpose between two people unless otherwise specified, which this case it obviously was not. The woman who agreed to a date with the common understanding it would be between the two of them was extremely rude and disrespectful by bringing a third person unannounced. I am not arguing for or against any response by the guy, mind you, but you seem to be incapable of understanding what respect and rudeness actually are
Edit: I didn’t initially read all of your comment because the first half was mind numbingly stupid, but figured I should give you a chance to maybe make a decent point at the end. Which you didn’t, it just got stupider. If her idea of a date is a guy and her friend, that’s perfectly fine and acceptable. She should have said so when they were planning the date. It’s on her if she couldn’t communicate what she wanted properly and so still, even in your scenario, she is firmly in the wrong
Well I’m not a “cause” either, you can make your case as leave it. This appeal to “thats just what you’re supposed to do” is what people have been telling me all my life and I stopped caring completely for it. I kept contorting myself trying to anticipate whatever the fuck people are “supposed” to do but at some point I realised that I’m not gonna win either way and that no one was twisting themselves as much trying to anticipate what I wanted and I. Just. Dropped. It. I am physically incapable of caring less for it. I told you I’m almost allergic to that line and I meant it.
She should have said so when they were planning the date. It’s on her if she couldn’t communicate what she wanted properly and so still, even in your scenario, she is firmly in the wrong
so what? Like even if, so what? Genuinely please answer this, so what?
It is harm. The guy could have gone out with a friend, or worked on a hobby, or gone to help his parents with something. Maybe he has a part time job and declined to work a shift because he had this date scheduled. I assume he had to spend money to go to the location where they had the date, so he is out gas money/cab fare/public transportation fare. On top of all that, it’s humiliating to go into a situation expecting one thing and then getting something else. Sure, he isn’t physically harmed, but there is emotional, social, and financial harm.
And again, if someone has shown that they do not respect you, you owe them no courtesy
Well I’m not, I’m happily married thank god. Also empathy is exactly what I’m advocating for. I don’t know why the girl decided to bring a friend. Maybe she wanted someone to check the vibes with her first? Maybe she just thought it would be fun and didn’t know that “you aren’t supposed to do that”? And the advice that other guy gives based is to just passive aggressively “teach her a lesson”?? Fuck that.
Well I’m not on board with the passive aggressive stuff.
Again though, the problem is one of romantic consent. It’s no where near as serious as violating sexual consent, but people have a right to consent or not consent to participate in romantic settings. For example, it would be a violation of romantic consent if I told you you were attending a job interview and you show up and it’s actually a date. That would be a rude and creepy thing to do. People have a right to know what kind of romantic situations they are getting into in advance.
She violated his romantic consent by turning a private date into a gathering. And the basic rules of consent apply.
Maybe she wanted someone to check the vibes with her first? Maybe she just thought it would be fun and didn’t know that “you aren’t supposed to do that”?
Imagine someone said, “I know she didn’t want it, but I just thought it would fun to have sex with her without her consent! I certainly had fun! I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to do that teehee! # so random!”
Violation of romantic consent is nowhere as serious as rape. But it is still a violation. It’s not a felony. But it is extremely rude and disrespectful. Violating romantic consent doesn’t make you a criminal, but it does make you a bad person.
Well I’m not on board with the passive aggressive stuff.
Then what is your point? That she made a faux-pas on the first date? Ok. Whatever. Just break it off and go home if it’s that big a deal. Why is it so important for you all that I know that you’re not supposed to bring a friend when meeting an online stranger for the first time?
I’m not even gonna touch your consent analogy. I’m sorry but that’s a mess. What we are talking about is (at worst) like asking for coffee and someone bringing tea. Not like getting tricked into a date by someone pretending it’s a job interview, the power dynamics alone…
I had this happen a lifetime ago back when I was a teen still. I think it’s not that unusual to have this happen when you are young and new to dating. I wasn’t totally sure it was an official date and neither were they, so they brought a friend along. We all had a fun time hanging out!
I think this reads as something someone new to the dating world would do. I think it felt natural because the nature of if it was even a date wasn’t something concrete. If we both were showing up with stronger romantic intentions it might have felt unnatural, but we were acquaintances already and this was more of a vibe check at the time.
While neither of us were interested in pursuing things romantically, we did remain friends. Not that intentional romantic pursuit was even on the mind really.
I think some of the other responses represent what I dislike so much about the vacuum of online discourse though. I feel there is often a lot more to any story than the details that just make it to a comment thread.
Why are we so obsessed with making sure everybody understands that bringing a friend when you meet an online stranger is wrong? And no one talking about the guys mean spirited attempt at “teaching her a lesson” instead of just… saying what the fuck his problem is?
Or just have a nice time?
Gonna be hard to simply have a nice time when you get blindsided with a change of plans after you were probably very much looking forward to the date you thought was agreed to.
Then don’t have a nice time. Go home. Say what you want or leave it. There is no reason to be mean.
Ok so you’re not gonna get laid boohoo, go watch the movie or eat the dinner or whatever it is you planned on doing anyway? Just relax and have the fun you were planning on anyway
Yeah I would probably just leave.
Finally a normal response
People on Lemmy are a little intense sometimes. I’ve almost left a few times to go back to reddit but you get used to it or at least I did I guess?
Aah I’d just hit 🔇 if it bothered me. I mute liberally but thanks 🥰
A date is not just two people hanging out. It’s two people meeting to see if they have mutual compatibility. It’s too people meeting to see if they have romantic chemistry.
People need companionship. And people have a right to seek out romantic partners. When you agree to go on a date, you are implicitly saying, “I realize I am under no obligation to sleep or form a relationship with this person. But I agree to at least give them a chance as a romantic partner.”
If you go into a date, or at least a meeting that you describe as date, and you’re not actually willing to give the other person a chance? You’re violating their romantic consent. You’re violating their right to consent to participate in romantic situations.
That’s a leap. Why wouldn’t I be able to sus out if I’m compatible with someone while their friend is present?
Have you ever even been on a date? If you’re that inexperienced romantically, you really shouldn’t be opining on these issues.
Movies (besides Heat) are not better than getting laid.
only if we’re going dutch
Or French
Usually that’s a third date conversation
Why bring the third on the first date then?
Why would you do that?? Unthinkable.
I know right, how could you possibly enjoy a date that isn’t going exactly as you meticulously planned out?? Out of the question, they violated social rule #67 section 4.20 we’re in the clear to just be an ass for the rest of the night…
Thank god I’m not dating anymore…
Do you not think that bringing a third person to a romantic dinner date is a little rude/awkward/disappointing?
Girl just wants a fun night out, guy is questioning if he wildly misread her signals, and if he is being tricked into paying for some women who just led him on for a free dinner.
There is of course the safety perspective, which makes a lot of sense, but if you bring your friend to a date to feel more safe they should at least not join the immediate table and conversation.
I don’t care what is considered rude/awkward/disappointing by strangers which presumably a tinder date is. I mean what even is the harm to the guy here? Just ask what’s going on and tell her why this has you on edge if it does?
And none of that is an excuse to be rude to someone, to hit on her friend to get back at her, that’s just incredibly petty. And way more rude than just having with dinner or whatever with two people instead of one.
“yeah she did this thing that wasn’t what I expected so now I’m gonna go out of my way to be rude to her” that’s not a proportionate response. Are you unsure whether you misread signals? Just ask. Do they maybe wanna get you to pay for both, just ask?!
Why is the guys POV the focus here and not the girls who are being bullied??
That shows a bit of lack of empathy. One should be considerate towards strangers as well.
While I agree with you and the tinder date could just go with the flow and enjoy this as not a date but a fun evening, surely you can understand how the person would feel if they expected a date but got something else?
I mean yes, there could have been a misunderstanding which ‘Oh I thought this was a date?’ would clear up. But if their agreement was a date, that is usually between two people and bringing with a third party is not something you do.
I’m not defending the petty response to this btw. It is very unnecessary and they could just go home, but this doesn’t remove possible disappointment.
I can tell you exactly what I would do if I went on a date with a girl and she brought a friend. I would introduce myself to both and be happy I got to meet two people to potentially befriend and not just one. Because that’s what first dates are often for, you befriend someone and see if you want to spend more time together.
I don’t care what people are “supposed” to do. I’m almost allergic to people telling me “that’s not what you do”. I’m me, she is she and if that guy wants to date her he should date her and not some abstract societal expectation.
Ok so you had a bad first date, call big whoop magazine and see if it gets published…
This is a good working definition of a sociopath.
Yeah yeah autists are sociopaths 🦨💨
I don’t care what you would do. Good for you however you would handle it etc etc.
Yes, and a date is different from just meeting someone who could be a friend, you’re meeting someone with the intention of developing a romantic relationship.
Maybe a language barrier? Let me rephrase it for you: Bringing with a third party is not something people in general do since it’s not part of societal etiquette of dating. And, as we all know, we live in a society and can’t center the reality on ourselves.
I don’t understand what you mean. But the person obviously showed up for a date, expecting the one they intended to meet but meeting two people instead. How can you not understand how the person in question might feel about this?
You okay there?
You seem sincere, I’ll give you a proper respond tomorrow or so. The other replies got me in a clowning mode lol sorry
Shit like this got Trump elected.
The women aren’t being bullied in this post. You need to see a therapist.
🤣❓❓ what’s any of this got to do with trump??
Also yeah I’m mentally ill and therefore my opinions do not matter and I should shut up, nice ableism. Guess who told me not play by societies rules so much btw? My therapist 🤣🤣🤣
Lmao also any doubt I had whether my profile was being read femme went out the window with this comment 🤣
As someone who is also in therapy, your practitioner does not seem to be worth the money, pardon my saying.
As for how you “read”, which i assume means what gender you appear to be on the internet, i have no idea. I mostly get unhinged vibes from you.
What some might call unhinged others would call unshackled.
Oh I wonder, maybe the constant infantilization/victimization of literally any and everyone that isn’t a white male? Or have you just been living under a rock?
Your therapist sounds like they’re giving you bad advice, or you’re misinterpreting it.
🦨💨
The harm is that it’s incredibly rude and disrespectful to bring a third party along unannounced. Why would you show someone any respect if they have already shown they have none for you? The woman has wasted the guy’s time by torpedoing the date before it even started. I would say you are entitled to try and waste someone’s time if they are trying to waste yours
That’s not harm 🙄 harm is something that hurts someone, what’s hurt?? I would also challenge that it’s incredibly rude or disrespectful. Like how so? What respect is lacking??
That’s the offense??? That the guy’s idea of the ideal first date wasn’t shared by the other party?? What about how she wanted to spend that date? Does that not matter?? And that is what’s supposed to warrant passive aggressive bullying??? Oh no she “wasted” his time what about her time? That’s not as important or?
It’s about basic respect and empathy. For the record, I’m a woman married to a cis het guy.
You’re confusing general freedom with a very specific social situation that comes with certain social obligations. You can do whatever you want. It’s a free country. No one has to go on a date with anyone. No one has to sleep with anyone. You can have whatever type of date you want.
What you cannot do is pull a bait-and-switch on someone. If you agree to a date with someone, there are certain social obligations that come with that. Things like showing up on time, showing up presentable, showing up sober, and being prepared to offer your full attention to your date. It’s like agreeing to come to a wedding and then showing up in a speedo. Sure, it’s a free country, but there are certain obligations that come with certain social situations. And you’re rude or an asshole if you violate these social agreements.
This isn’t something required by law. It is required by the laws of politeness. You’re asking another human being to take time out of their busy life. They’re going to have to find the time and get ready for the date. You’re not obligated to sleep with a date, of course not. But you are at least obligated to give it a shot and see if you hit it off with this other person. You owe them an honest try at it. If it turns out you hate his guts or he does something rude, and you leave after five minutes? That’s fine. You gave him a shot and he turned out to be a creep.
A date has a specific definition. Two adults are in the pre/potential relationship phase. And a date is where you first meet to see if there is chemistry between you to. It requires both people to give their full attention to it. If you’re not willing to do that, or you would like some other type of date, that’s fine. If you’re not willing to give the other person a fair shot, then you should cancel the date entirely.
This is a basic problem of consent. Not sexual consent, but romantic consent. Obviously violating romantic consent is no where as serious as violating sexual consent, but it’s still a violation of consent. Someone agrees to a date under certain conditions, and you try and completely change things at the last minute. It’s the romantic equivalent of stealthing.
(Note: please do not act like a toddler and pretend I claimed that this was as bad as rape. Those are not my words, do not make a bad-faith attempt at putting words in my mouth. Violation of sexual consent is obviously much greater a violation than this. But violation of romantic consent is still a terrible thing to do to someone.)
Well said.
Skunk desperately needs to read this, but I’m pretty sure they won’t.
You’re a lost cause. The woman broke trust and respect immediately. Presumably they agreed to a date and, assuming you are capable of understanding social situations at all, a date on an app like Tinder is heavily implied to have a romantic purpose between two people unless otherwise specified, which this case it obviously was not. The woman who agreed to a date with the common understanding it would be between the two of them was extremely rude and disrespectful by bringing a third person unannounced. I am not arguing for or against any response by the guy, mind you, but you seem to be incapable of understanding what respect and rudeness actually are
Edit: I didn’t initially read all of your comment because the first half was mind numbingly stupid, but figured I should give you a chance to maybe make a decent point at the end. Which you didn’t, it just got stupider. If her idea of a date is a guy and her friend, that’s perfectly fine and acceptable. She should have said so when they were planning the date. It’s on her if she couldn’t communicate what she wanted properly and so still, even in your scenario, she is firmly in the wrong
Well I’m not a “cause” either, you can make your case as leave it. This appeal to “thats just what you’re supposed to do” is what people have been telling me all my life and I stopped caring completely for it. I kept contorting myself trying to anticipate whatever the fuck people are “supposed” to do but at some point I realised that I’m not gonna win either way and that no one was twisting themselves as much trying to anticipate what I wanted and I. Just. Dropped. It. I am physically incapable of caring less for it. I told you I’m almost allergic to that line and I meant it.
so what? Like even if, so what? Genuinely please answer this, so what?
It is harm. The guy could have gone out with a friend, or worked on a hobby, or gone to help his parents with something. Maybe he has a part time job and declined to work a shift because he had this date scheduled. I assume he had to spend money to go to the location where they had the date, so he is out gas money/cab fare/public transportation fare. On top of all that, it’s humiliating to go into a situation expecting one thing and then getting something else. Sure, he isn’t physically harmed, but there is emotional, social, and financial harm.
And again, if someone has shown that they do not respect you, you owe them no courtesy
Then you should not be dating people. Basic human empathy is a prerequisite to any healthy relationship.
Well I’m not, I’m happily married thank god. Also empathy is exactly what I’m advocating for. I don’t know why the girl decided to bring a friend. Maybe she wanted someone to check the vibes with her first? Maybe she just thought it would be fun and didn’t know that “you aren’t supposed to do that”? And the advice that other guy gives based is to just passive aggressively “teach her a lesson”?? Fuck that.
Well I’m not on board with the passive aggressive stuff.
Again though, the problem is one of romantic consent. It’s no where near as serious as violating sexual consent, but people have a right to consent or not consent to participate in romantic settings. For example, it would be a violation of romantic consent if I told you you were attending a job interview and you show up and it’s actually a date. That would be a rude and creepy thing to do. People have a right to know what kind of romantic situations they are getting into in advance.
She violated his romantic consent by turning a private date into a gathering. And the basic rules of consent apply.
Imagine someone said, “I know she didn’t want it, but I just thought it would fun to have sex with her without her consent! I certainly had fun! I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to do that teehee! # so random!”
Violation of romantic consent is nowhere as serious as rape. But it is still a violation. It’s not a felony. But it is extremely rude and disrespectful. Violating romantic consent doesn’t make you a criminal, but it does make you a bad person.
Then what is your point? That she made a faux-pas on the first date? Ok. Whatever. Just break it off and go home if it’s that big a deal. Why is it so important for you all that I know that you’re not supposed to bring a friend when meeting an online stranger for the first time?
I’m not even gonna touch your consent analogy. I’m sorry but that’s a mess. What we are talking about is (at worst) like asking for coffee and someone bringing tea. Not like getting tricked into a date by someone pretending it’s a job interview, the power dynamics alone…
imho there’s petty all the way around.
That’s probably for the best.
I had this happen a lifetime ago back when I was a teen still. I think it’s not that unusual to have this happen when you are young and new to dating. I wasn’t totally sure it was an official date and neither were they, so they brought a friend along. We all had a fun time hanging out!
I think this reads as something someone new to the dating world would do. I think it felt natural because the nature of if it was even a date wasn’t something concrete. If we both were showing up with stronger romantic intentions it might have felt unnatural, but we were acquaintances already and this was more of a vibe check at the time.
While neither of us were interested in pursuing things romantically, we did remain friends. Not that intentional romantic pursuit was even on the mind really.
And that’s the healthy response I’m advocating for!
I think some of the other responses represent what I dislike so much about the vacuum of online discourse though. I feel there is often a lot more to any story than the details that just make it to a comment thread.
It’s just intentions. If I went with a friend to go to the beach and they bring me to the bowling alley it’s not exactly what I was wanting to do.
Why are we so obsessed with making sure everybody understands that bringing a friend when you meet an online stranger is wrong? And no one talking about the guys mean spirited attempt at “teaching her a lesson” instead of just… saying what the fuck his problem is?
Because consent matters.
don’t hate the player; hate the game