Although maybe “unnattractive” isn’t a good fit because I do understand that it’s not a woman’s default objective to “be attractive” to me. It’s more just that maybe I’m a bit weird about ears and noses. If you have something hanging out of your nose my lizard brain alerts me that it’s probably a booger. My more sophisticated hominid brain is aware that it’s not, but this creates a kind of unsolvable feedback loop that’s unsolvable.
Yesterday I was interviewing a candidate for a job. I’m genuinely trying to listen and engage with this cacophony of booger not-booger booger not-booger going on.
I didn’t say it was anyone’s objective to be attractive to me. And it isn’t. I just have (as does everyone else) the agency to decide for myself what I find attractive or not.
Thank you for pointing out the possibly ambiguity of my response though, so I could clarify.
We happen to be attracted to whatever we are attracted to… It’s subconscious, really, perhaps partly stemming back to childhood experienced and parentally instilled values…
Im not so sure about that. Of course its fine to not be attracted to different traits, thats not in question. The problem is what we say.
If someone says they find a phrase impolite, or that they find a meal bland, there’s an implication that the thing has not met that person’s expectations.
People dont sail around expressing their opinion that they find something unattractive for that very reason.
Hottest thing ever. Tastes and smells revolting. Eventually kills the person, but fuck if my growing up in the 90s brain doesn’t immediately equate smoking with “ooooh mysterious, probably reads a lot of Russian fiction, hot af.”
IMO this isn’t a special case. Most smokers don’t want to be smokers, they are unable to stop. It’s fine that you find smoking unattractive, but telling everyone just makes you a bit of a jerk IMO.
If you don’t want to date people who enjoy role play, sure. It’s not rude to make people aware of that. Fine.
If you don’t want to date people who are overweight, that’s fine. However, if you say that to someone they will probably find you to be a bit of a jerk.
There was a time, decades ago, when smoking was much more common that it was seen as something more like a choice or preference - maybe vaping enjoys that category these days. Now that smoking is much more unusual it’s more like a type of substance abuse. Any smoker hoping to form a meaningful relationship would be aware that it’s an impediment.
You can avoid wasting people’s time simply by not consuming it.
Oh cool I’m not the only one, though for me it’s my lizard brain thinking their injured and wanting to fix it. Doesn’t apply to tattoos though since those get classified under scars.
Same.
Although maybe “unnattractive” isn’t a good fit because I do understand that it’s not a woman’s default objective to “be attractive” to me. It’s more just that maybe I’m a bit weird about ears and noses. If you have something hanging out of your nose my lizard brain alerts me that it’s probably a booger. My more sophisticated hominid brain is aware that it’s not, but this creates a kind of unsolvable feedback loop that’s unsolvable.
Yesterday I was interviewing a candidate for a job. I’m genuinely trying to listen and engage with this cacophony of booger not-booger booger not-booger going on.
I didn’t say it was anyone’s objective to be attractive to me. And it isn’t. I just have (as does everyone else) the agency to decide for myself what I find attractive or not.
Thank you for pointing out the possibly ambiguity of my response though, so I could clarify.
Do you decide what you find attractive? Or just observe and notice? Could you decide that something is attractive for you?
Good observation; maybe ‘decide’ isn’t the best word.
We happen to be attracted to whatever we are attracted to… It’s subconscious, really, perhaps partly stemming back to childhood experienced and parentally instilled values…
Yes, i decided by observing and noticing.
That’s how attraction works.
Im not just by default attracted to one hair style or a specific skin color.
I observe and notice what attracts me and make a decision.
When you say that something is unattractive , it’s your personal opinion which you are entitled to. It’s fine. We are people, we are diverse.
Im not so sure about that. Of course its fine to not be attracted to different traits, thats not in question. The problem is what we say.
If someone says they find a phrase impolite, or that they find a meal bland, there’s an implication that the thing has not met that person’s expectations.
People dont sail around expressing their opinion that they find something unattractive for that very reason.
I find smoking unattractive.
Hottest thing ever. Tastes and smells revolting. Eventually kills the person, but fuck if my growing up in the 90s brain doesn’t immediately equate smoking with “ooooh mysterious, probably reads a lot of Russian fiction, hot af.”
IMO this isn’t a special case. Most smokers don’t want to be smokers, they are unable to stop. It’s fine that you find smoking unattractive, but telling everyone just makes you a bit of a jerk IMO.
Its wild to me verbalizing turn-ons and turn-offs is considered rude nowadays.
It used to be considered prudent and realistic.
Not wasting my time or their time is polite.
If you don’t want to date people who enjoy role play, sure. It’s not rude to make people aware of that. Fine.
If you don’t want to date people who are overweight, that’s fine. However, if you say that to someone they will probably find you to be a bit of a jerk.
There was a time, decades ago, when smoking was much more common that it was seen as something more like a choice or preference - maybe vaping enjoys that category these days. Now that smoking is much more unusual it’s more like a type of substance abuse. Any smoker hoping to form a meaningful relationship would be aware that it’s an impediment.
You can avoid wasting people’s time simply by not consuming it.
And that’s an opinion too. That’s fine.
You chopped my sentence in half in order to avoid acknowledging the point i made?
The second half doesn’t change the essence of the phrase. If it does and I didn’t understand it - please elaborate.
Having an opinion is fine.
Stating that you have a negative opinion implies that something is unsatisfactory.
For the author of the opinion.
And that’s fine
Fine. Continue telling everyone which traits you think make a woman unattractive. Its just your opinion after all.
Oh cool I’m not the only one, though for me it’s my lizard brain thinking their injured and wanting to fix it. Doesn’t apply to tattoos though since those get classified under scars.