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Was pretty sure reading somewhere that masturbation was haram in Islam. Went looking. Most sites were pretty clear. Yup. Forbidden.
Except this one site (https://islamweb.net/en/fatwa/82271/masturbation-at-the-time-of-necessity) added a teeny, little loophole:
Masturbation is forbidden according to the view of the Hanbali School of jurisprudence. Whoever practices it deserves a punishment. It is permissible only at the time of necessity. Necessity means the time when one fears to commit Zina (adultery/fornication) or when one fears disease from the gathering of sperm and he is not able to get married.
You gotta pay attention to the fine-print.
So it’s forbidden, unless you’re really horny. Then it’s okay.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abu_Nuwas
Sourcing From Original OP:
ليَ أيرٌ ليس يرضى بالذي ترضى الأيورُ
ليس يرضى ليَ عقلي هو أميرٌ ووزيرُ
كلّما رامَ نكاحاً درتُ من حيث يدورُ
فتعالى اللَه ما في الأرضِ قاضٍ أو أميرُ
أنا من خمسين عاماً في يديَ أيري أسيرُ
At least it’s a peaceful and inexpensive hobby.
“Masturbation? A man of your talents?”
“It’s a peaceful life.”
“I could write entire books on masturbatory techniques and their many intricacies, but I’d need my dominant hand for that, and it’s presently occupied.”
“…We’re having a conversation.”
“Oh, I don’t mind me. I don’t find it distracting at all.”
That’s too perfect, is it from something? Feels like Dennis from its always sunny
No, my mind just works in mysterious and occasionally unfortunate ways.
Scholar and a Gentleman
You can masterbate peacefully?!?
I don’t know how you do it, but personally I rarely engage in bloodsport in the middle of my masturbatory sessions. Mixing business and pleasure is notoriously bad form, old boy.
Blood is the most effective lube. It’s 50/50 lube and friction. Let alone the mental aspect.
