Will someone please give me a step-by-step guide on how to make new friends under 60 and have consistent daily “human experiences” outside of a city center?
I’d love to give up my phone and possibly TV… if it everyone else does too so there are other humans to interact with. Society is in a depressing cath-22 of loneliness.
Though it can’t be impossible. Group hobbies, sports, etc exist. Just gotta pick one and go to meet ups. But phone is so much easier 🤤
One of my most interesting friends is a retired 68y/o Italian immigrant (we met when he was 62). I met him while cycling up a giant hill week after week. The third or fourth time we saw each other both heading to the same hill we struck up a conversation and started regularly riding together. He was also far better at climbing than I was!
Besides cycling, he had a connection to the local restaurant industry due to his previous career as a wine importer. So our coffee stops were often at places where he knew the staff and more conversations and frindships would arise. After his retirement he had a warehouse full of old wine crates and has started a small business turning those crates into custom furniture that is unbelievably beautiful.
I’m 35 and the social circle I had from grade school died off slowly and then fully after covid.
Hobbies! Whatever hobby done eith others or can be done with others. Then just show up constantly. If you aren’t social poison in human form, people start talking with you.
I do:
Kickbox
Hiking, but only summer months I hate snow.
Dancing classes and I’m a man. This is a good way to get dates lowkey.
Tabletop board games. I don’t go to a store. I live in a small city ~30k I just found a group of like minded nerds on a locals D*scord group and go to their house. Yep. People really do that.
My main hobby is bicycling, which is a great way to meet people. Unfortunately, I really hate bicycling with other people, not to mention the fact that enormous gaggles of cyclists gabbing away and not looking ahead are an absolute menace on bike trails, so I never take advantage of the social aspect.
I’m 25 so my experience is a little easier since people my age are looking for friends more actively, but I still think I can provide some advice. I have a huge friend group that I’m very proud of and put a lot of work into developing.
You have to meet potential friends in the first place. Bars, clubs, bookstores, community events, volunteering, neighbors, etc. Ask about people’s interests and hobbies and see if any line up. Maybe you both like horror movies or a certain video game or something like that.
You have to be active about it. Invite people to things, and put effort into it. What you do is up to you, but some universal things are dinner, board games, movies, etc. Don’t get too nervous about if it will be “boring” or “cool”. The way I think of it, is would I rather have a boring time with my friends or be on my phone by myself? I chose boring time with friends every time.
Don’t be afraid to give up on making a certain friend. If someone isn’t being responsive or doesn’t seem interested in hanging out, that’s totally fine. Just move on. Don’t dwell on it. When I first moved to the city I live in, I tried making something like 15 or so friends and only about 3 of them actually went through with plans, and now we’re all besties. That means only 20%. Like I said, you have to put in effort.
A lot of people suck though, and it makes sense to avoid those ones.
In the olden days, churches used to be the focal centerpoint of many local cultures, especially in rural areas. “3rd spaces” during our cultural transitions and all of that. (implication: you might need to literally move to find what you seek, or at least travel to a city
Or in the USA it will not be a problem anymore - people will all be forced to work so hard that having time to socialize outside of work or family will not be a concern. #firstworldproblems
I have a vague memory of reading an article years ago (can’t find it now) about how pre-industeializarion, the average number of people an individual interacted with and knew wa much smaller.
We used to live in small villages. Houses would contain extended families. You’d probably know your neighbors pretty well. You’d know the people you went to church with. It was not uncommon for someone to be born in a village and live their until their death without ever leaving that village.
Whenever I hear people talk about how humans NEED social connection I’m reminded of that. My college graduating class was perhaps more people than several generations of my ancestors interacted with. There’s a strong argument that we have hyper-optinizsd socialization today. Constantly connected to dozens of people we know and millions that we don’t. Stimulation, novelty, and distraction enough to last more lifetimes than I can imagine.
Perhaps in this modern age, the person most difficult to engage with and the most important, is the self.
I’d be willing to bet those people that never left their village would have had many deep connections within the village and would interact with at least a few people on a daily basis. We may tend to know many more people these days, but the connections tend to be shallow and/or infrequent.
Will someone please give me a step-by-step guide on how to make new friends under 60 and have consistent daily “human experiences” outside of a city center?
I’d love to give up my phone and possibly TV… if it everyone else does too so there are other humans to interact with. Society is in a depressing cath-22 of loneliness.
Though it can’t be impossible. Group hobbies, sports, etc exist. Just gotta pick one and go to meet ups. But phone is so much easier 🤤
Why under 60?
One of my most interesting friends is a retired 68y/o Italian immigrant (we met when he was 62). I met him while cycling up a giant hill week after week. The third or fourth time we saw each other both heading to the same hill we struck up a conversation and started regularly riding together. He was also far better at climbing than I was!
Besides cycling, he had a connection to the local restaurant industry due to his previous career as a wine importer. So our coffee stops were often at places where he knew the staff and more conversations and frindships would arise. After his retirement he had a warehouse full of old wine crates and has started a small business turning those crates into custom furniture that is unbelievably beautiful.
Don’t let age be a factor in making friends.
I’m 35 and the social circle I had from grade school died off slowly and then fully after covid.
Hobbies! Whatever hobby done eith others or can be done with others. Then just show up constantly. If you aren’t social poison in human form, people start talking with you.
I do:
Kickbox
Hiking, but only summer months I hate snow.
Dancing classes and I’m a man. This is a good way to get dates lowkey.
Tabletop board games. I don’t go to a store. I live in a small city ~30k I just found a group of like minded nerds on a locals D*scord group and go to their house. Yep. People really do that.
My main hobby is bicycling, which is a great way to meet people. Unfortunately, I really hate bicycling with other people, not to mention the fact that enormous gaggles of cyclists gabbing away and not looking ahead are an absolute menace on bike trails, so I never take advantage of the social aspect.
Yeah, my best luck has been with signing up for some kind of weekly thing with a group of strangers.
Kinda doesn’t even matter what it is, but the more closely it aligns with your interests and values, the better time you’ll have.
I’m 25 so my experience is a little easier since people my age are looking for friends more actively, but I still think I can provide some advice. I have a huge friend group that I’m very proud of and put a lot of work into developing.
A lot of people suck though, and it makes sense to avoid those ones.
In the olden days, churches used to be the focal centerpoint of many local cultures, especially in rural areas. “3rd spaces” during our cultural transitions and all of that. (implication: you might need to literally move to find what you seek, or at least travel to a city
Or in the USA it will not be a problem anymore - people will all be forced to work so hard that having time to socialize outside of work or family will not be a concern. #firstworldproblems
I have a vague memory of reading an article years ago (can’t find it now) about how pre-industeializarion, the average number of people an individual interacted with and knew wa much smaller.
We used to live in small villages. Houses would contain extended families. You’d probably know your neighbors pretty well. You’d know the people you went to church with. It was not uncommon for someone to be born in a village and live their until their death without ever leaving that village.
Whenever I hear people talk about how humans NEED social connection I’m reminded of that. My college graduating class was perhaps more people than several generations of my ancestors interacted with. There’s a strong argument that we have hyper-optinizsd socialization today. Constantly connected to dozens of people we know and millions that we don’t. Stimulation, novelty, and distraction enough to last more lifetimes than I can imagine.
Perhaps in this modern age, the person most difficult to engage with and the most important, is the self.
On a lot of days, I speak to 0 people.
I’d be willing to bet those people that never left their village would have had many deep connections within the village and would interact with at least a few people on a daily basis. We may tend to know many more people these days, but the connections tend to be shallow and/or infrequent.
There are many guides but this is my guide
Step 1: buy the GMs guide for a ttrpg
Step 2: write a fun premise for a campaign
Step 3: do a little light planning
Step 4: post that you’re lfg
Step 5: play the campaign
Step 6: forget you’re supposed to be playing a ttrpg because you just hang out with your new friends all the time
But what if you don’t want to GM?
I keep checking meetup for open games but they’re always full. And I live in a decent sized city.