It is really sweet, so you want to control the volume. But dry pancakes? You’ll choke to death!

I can’t imagine voluntarily eating a pancake with no syrup

Did you ask them?

If it does it will be the last thing it does

AirVPN and Windscribe are good options with port forwarding that aren’t compromised (AFAIK)

AirVPN with privacy focus and port forwarding

YSK Private Internet Access was acquired by a sketchy Israeli spy company

I also do this, you’re good

Aside from self hosting something like NextCloud, you could also check out Cryptpad.fr

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Be an actual companion