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I’m still really broken about the miscarriage a few years back and most of the response I’ve gotten from others has been in the form of violence.
I don’t have any tattoos, but if I ever got one it would be 4 small circles. Three would be filled in and one would be just an outline. It’s not much, but as a father of four pregnancies but three kids it would be a small little reminder just for me. My logic has always been if I’m going to be marked on the outside, it should reflect how I’m marked on the inside.
Four years later it still stings. I wish you peace; I wish I could say talking about it with other people has helped, but I can’t.
Super socially awkward and anxious in middle school and high school and was also bullied a ton. Girls would ask me out as a joke, and there’s no good response. If you say yes you’re a dumbass for thinking they’re actually interested in you, if you say no you’re gay and should kill yourself. Combined with being an impressionable teen with incredibly negative self esteem on reddit at a time where something along the lines of all men are rapists was a common sentiment, it really honestly fucked me up. I still am not comfortable with romance and intimacy with women to be honest.
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This sort of situation is how I knew my wife was/is a keeper. When I was pushed to the point where my negative emotions got too much, she was there for me. She didn’t shy away, but stepped in to help and support me.
In many of my previous relationships, showing negative emotions was lethal to their feelings. I could be happy, or stoic, but never upset or depressed.
On a side note, I had a chat with a trans friend once, regarding emotions. When they transitioned, the intensity of their emotions didn’t change much. However, their ability to contain them plummeted. Basically, men and women feel emotions similarly. Men are just a lot more able to bottle them up.
I’m trans and, until I started HRT, had very little access to my emotions. I would desperately want to cry, and just would be unable. Or I would know I was supposed to be having some kind of emotional reaction to something, and just…wouldn’t.
Very very soon after getting my hormones straightened out, I discovered that I was having emotions in sympathy with characters on tv or in movies. If I was sad I could actually cry for a bit and process the emotion rather than having to channel it into anger or physicality. It was like living in color instead of black and white, this whole arena of human experience I’d read about but hadn’t ever really felt.
I’ve heard the same from trans guys as well; they didn’t ever feel like their emotions made sense until they got on T.
My now-ex reacted to this, first with concern, then with contempt.
This is very interesting to me.
As a cis male, I do have trouble accessing emotions sometimes.
However movies and music can give me overwhelming emotions. I start crying from the smallest wholesome moments in anime and movies.
There are times in life I wish I could, so I sometimes use music as a tool to trigger the response in myself just so I can get the emotions out and processed.
Been dumped, more than twice, immediately after crying in front of a woman. Make of that what you will.
I doubt that was it, but okay
Absolutely hilarious lack of self-awareness
