I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I’m old so I feel it’s ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it’s kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
I think we can infer, based on the fact that a grown ass man is still living with his parents and clearly not helping financially since he has no clue how to get a job.
32 here, my parents divorced which kicked me out as they sold the house in my early 20s. From friends I see some still live at home, but those that do all pay rent or help out in some way.
I know people like this. Knew a quite a few people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35. I am in my 40s and I still meet single women who are living with/off mom and dad at my age… but people generally dont’ judge women for that.
Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt ‘adulthood’ should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it’s never.
And in my experience it’s largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.
In my demo it’s not living at home, it’s people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off… they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.
Also there is the issue emotional co-dependence, some parts are just totally co-dependent on their kids emotionally and don’t want them to ever leave, etc.
My nephew is in exactly this position. My sister and her husband make plenty of money, they felt emotionally attached, he’s diagnosed as ADHD, so he gets a pass on some things. He’s 32.
I know millennials hate that older people criticize them and I get it, but every millennial I know is in exactly this position and I don’t understand how anyone can hold his head high knowing he essentially can’t take care of himself.
On the other hand, I grew up in a different time. I graduated with $9k of debt, not $100k. I devoted decades of my life working to make someone else rich. So who’s smarter, me or my nephew?
I mean, if they’re ok with him living there, who am I to judge? My only real complaint is that he feels entitled to things he hasn’t earned. My sister plays disc golf with me. He played with us briefly. He won’t let her use “his” discs. The discs she paid for. He demands to sit in the front seat of the car sometimes, not request it. I’m sorry, but if Mom says she wants the front seat, Mom gets the fucking front seat. Not sure if this is generational or just him. But as a genX, I try to be understanding, because I see how the country has gone, but it can be tough sometimes, because from my perspective, he’s getting a 100% free ride and should be friggin grateful.
does he legit have that debt? or are you just generalizing? most people don’t have 100K of debt… some people do and those folks aren’t smart people and their bad choice making tends to compound their situation over time. I have known folks with the 100K of debt… and trust me those people knew what they were doing, they just refused to pay down their debt…
I had 35K of debt, and paid $15K of it off in two years on a 30K job, because I made it a priority and I didn’t want to be poor forever.
A lot of bad parents enable their children’s bad choices and they have to live with the consequences. His parents taught him to be entitled and rude probably because they did not practice discipline or punishment for poor actions. But you’re right it’s none of your business really. You can’t fix anyone else’s bad choices. It’s not his generation, it’s just him and how he was raised.
I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I’m old so I feel it’s ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it’s kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
we don’t know what his parents did or didn’t do leading up to op’s brief synopsis.
I think we can infer, based on the fact that a grown ass man is still living with his parents and clearly not helping financially since he has no clue how to get a job.
32 here, my parents divorced which kicked me out as they sold the house in my early 20s. From friends I see some still live at home, but those that do all pay rent or help out in some way.
I know people like this. Knew a quite a few people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35. I am in my 40s and I still meet single women who are living with/off mom and dad at my age… but people generally dont’ judge women for that.
Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt ‘adulthood’ should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it’s never.
And in my experience it’s largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.
In my demo it’s not living at home, it’s people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off… they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.
Also there is the issue emotional co-dependence, some parts are just totally co-dependent on their kids emotionally and don’t want them to ever leave, etc.
My nephew is in exactly this position. My sister and her husband make plenty of money, they felt emotionally attached, he’s diagnosed as ADHD, so he gets a pass on some things. He’s 32.
I know millennials hate that older people criticize them and I get it, but every millennial I know is in exactly this position and I don’t understand how anyone can hold his head high knowing he essentially can’t take care of himself.
On the other hand, I grew up in a different time. I graduated with $9k of debt, not $100k. I devoted decades of my life working to make someone else rich. So who’s smarter, me or my nephew?
I mean, if they’re ok with him living there, who am I to judge? My only real complaint is that he feels entitled to things he hasn’t earned. My sister plays disc golf with me. He played with us briefly. He won’t let her use “his” discs. The discs she paid for. He demands to sit in the front seat of the car sometimes, not request it. I’m sorry, but if Mom says she wants the front seat, Mom gets the fucking front seat. Not sure if this is generational or just him. But as a genX, I try to be understanding, because I see how the country has gone, but it can be tough sometimes, because from my perspective, he’s getting a 100% free ride and should be friggin grateful.
does he legit have that debt? or are you just generalizing? most people don’t have 100K of debt… some people do and those folks aren’t smart people and their bad choice making tends to compound their situation over time. I have known folks with the 100K of debt… and trust me those people knew what they were doing, they just refused to pay down their debt…
I had 35K of debt, and paid $15K of it off in two years on a 30K job, because I made it a priority and I didn’t want to be poor forever.
A lot of bad parents enable their children’s bad choices and they have to live with the consequences. His parents taught him to be entitled and rude probably because they did not practice discipline or punishment for poor actions. But you’re right it’s none of your business really. You can’t fix anyone else’s bad choices. It’s not his generation, it’s just him and how he was raised.
My MIL is one of the codependent ones. My SO is basically her parent at this point.
Luckily my mom thinks MIL is a shitty parent, and actually acts like a parent for my SO.