Evil Nietzsche be like “Why can’t you be more like those good Christian people?”

Imagine stepping into a shower and rubbing yourself down with a chocolate lobster.

You probably won’t think it’s chocolate at first.

This reminds me of a friend of mine whose hatred of olives was legendary. Like he didn’t just dislike them. We’re talking about a seething, unrelenting loathing. This was a man who wished violence and suffering on olives.

Now, his neighbor would traditionally gift his family homemade chocolates during the holidays. And one year (you already know where this is going don’t you?), his teenage children conspired with the neighbor to gift him with, yup, chocolate covered olives.

He didn’t speak to his neighbor for six years after that.

I grew up in a “pop” part of the country. Then moved to a “soda” part of the country for a while and not only did I change my word usage, but I decided I liked “soda” better because it was a more accurate description of the beverage.

I have since moved back to my old “pop” area and I still use “soda” and I get weird looks. One of my friends even called me a traitor.

This, but with my phone.

I think it’s the clock. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

In order from left to right:

Younger, Older, YoungerOlder, Bono

I know what piping bags are for.

Hint: not for piping

Source: experience

industrial strength pop rocks

That…that’s just C4.

Yeah you can just slide CNN over in that other column now.

The word is fuck. You don’t need to be afraid of the word fuck. It’s just a happy, colorful little word and we should all embrace it.

Say it with me everyone:

fuck

It’s absolutely not cum. Don’t anyone say cum. Because I promise it isn’t cum.