caseyweederman

No, I’m pretty sure that’s it

Checks out

I will happily press the function key and then say “aHAH” when it doesn’t work. Then I’ll press a key I know will work.

Imagine the inverse, though. Trying to enable them when you need them, but they’re off by default.

I’d have said from Dar! or Oh Joy Sex Toy myself

Me too. :(

Then you’ll be in a good place. With many long-term support releases, you only need to upgrade every 4-5 years and it’s often a relatively painless process.
Also companies like Red Hat offer some enterprise services to individuals (i.e. not for business purposes) and you might get the extended support, which can be up to twelve years in some circumstances.

Also, notably but perhaps not obviously, stable releases still get security patches, just not feature changes.
Don’t think you don’t need updates when updates means five different things.

I like your username

One might say inert.

It’s also a children’s book series by Drew Brockington

coreutils
yes this is a jab at rust-coreutils

I think ffmpeg imploded or something? And maybe VLC is maintaining their own fork? But it got split into a bunch of pieces or something, I don’t know, but maybe installing one of the alternate sources of the ffmpeg packages might work for you.

That’s my dream

I am also part of a movement back towards TUIs. Not everything needs to be Electron/an entire container.

Too soon

Are you the mightiest horserer of the lands

I like the one that folds like a GBA SP.
Not that I’m gonna buy one based on that.
But if I’m choosing between two identical models but one folds (and I guess it isn’t that much more expensive), I’d go for the folding one.
Except, of course, for the fact that the next phone I buy will be Commodore’s Callback.

I’m keeping my fucking god-damned em dash

Her name is Stress.