My favorite biblical conspiracy theory. Simeon bar Yonah, was a fisherman until he became a disciple. Jesus had faith in him so he called him his rock, the steady foundation that could always be relied on. The Greek for rock is Petros. As it just so happens, Simeon was son of Yonah, as the prefix “bar” shows, in English it would be Simon “the Rock” Johnson. And in case anyone is curious, Dwayne happens to mean fish hook. Also, the modern day Rock has a daughter called Simone, bringing us full circle. And thus we have proven biblical prophecy, or something, I’m not a quantum.

It’s not surprising, it’s what cult leaders do all the time.

My favorite part has always been how all those middle eastern guys had total fucking British white guy names like Peter, and Paul, Timothy, Thomas, Andrew, fucking Bartholomew ( fucking Bart‽ Really‽), James, Philip. If you’re stupid enough to go along with that horseshit, how in the fuck do you remember to breathe? Nobody that believes a word of the bible is qualified to operate metal eating utensils.