I have an idea for a post, some may have seen a comment of mine earlier. I’m looking for the most offensive-to-coffee-snobs approach to making coffee possible. I’m assuming something to do with instant, but from there, I don’t have many ideas.

Someone suggested reconstituting it in milk, that seems fun, any other ideas? I’m fully expecting the end result to be absolutely disgusting, for what it’s worth. I’m looking for the worst abomination possible, but it still needs to technically be coffee. Get creative, have fun with this. Whichever technique gets chosen (or multiple get combined), I’ll credit in the post I make.

  • Synapse@lemmy.world
    8·
    5 days ago

    I think making bad coffee in a bad way is not offensive to coffee snobs. What would be offensive to coffee snob would be to get some extremely expensive boutique coffee beans and prepare them in a snob way where each step is wrong. Example:

    • get single original, unwashed fermented with who knows what 80€/kg beans
    • prepare them with a Chemex, using a recycled filter paper (if this ever exists)
    • measures your beans in a measuring cup, 5 cups / L of water
    • grind the beans with a blender (any grind size is fine)
    • skip weting the filter, just put your grinded beans in the filter
    • boil a tap water kettle to 100°C
    • pour all the water at once until the filter is topped up (do not measure obviously)
    • wait until it drains
    • server and enjoy
    • frigge@lemmy.ml
      3·
      5 days ago

      You did way too many things correctly. Measuring at all, boiling the water, grinding freshly, etc.

      If you grind the beans freshly you already cannot offend me anymore. You gotta grind them immediately after buying them and then let them sit for weeks or months before using them

      • Synapse@lemmy.world
        4·
        5 days ago

        My approach for this assignment is to do the things properly but fall short on the most essential points. Pre-grind coffee the day before is a good addition though.

      • Omgpwnies@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        5 days ago

        Some supermarkets here have grinding machines so you can grind them before even buying them!

        • frigge@lemmy.ml
          1·
          5 days ago

          that is fine though. If you only have a cheap blade grinder at home, the ones in the supermarket are usually super high quality. Also the coffee is still somewhat freshly ground then.

          I have heard that professionals or just people that are really into it can taste the difference after a couple of hours. Most other people can taste the difference after 24 hours. The coffee isn’t shit then, it just has noticeably less flavour and might taste a bit stale, as the coffee oils oxidize more quickly.

          I am sorry … i know in which thread i am …